Thursday, April 11, 2013

my new normal

this scene is becoming my new "normal".

there's something comforting about going to penn station every week, seeing those famous city lights at 5:45am, and being in a crowd of people every time.  this city literally has millions of people walking the streets everyday, but there's something calming and cozy about seeing familiar faces every time i walk up to the departure board (even though i don't know them, i just see the same people every week, apparently in the same boat of doing the work-week boston commute).

at the same time, this feeling is scary...
do i want to feel at ease? i love everything about my life in jersey city. should i feel sad the entire time that i'm in boston so i don't ever get that feeling of contentment or happiness of being away from home? what will that bring? will it improve my quality of life if i truly try to be happy each week while i'm away? or will it feel like i'm pulling happiness out of "home" bucket and putting it into a "boston" bucket? why do i feel guilty when i have one night every now and then when i get to leave work "early" at 7pm to have a fun dinner and a drink with a friend? it's like i have this mindset that i'm not supposed to be happy while i'm away from everything and everyone that i love.

maybe you think i've gone completely crazy, but until you truly "travel" for work, being on the road 5 days a week (or more) you might not understand. "traveling for work" is a novelty until it becomes "normal"... and then you don't know how you're supposed to feel.

life is confusing sometimes.

but right now, i can say that i make the most of my small amount of time at home, trying to squeeze in as much quality time with mr p and friends, and i'm going to ride out this journey.  

of course "the grass could always be greener," but hey, sometimes this whole "taking chances" thing means making sacrifices. i'm just happy i'm able to take this chance of a lifetime while i'm still young and don't have kids, but i still have great support from friends, family, and most of all, mr p....


1 comment:

Leslie said...

Once again, your life sounds awesome and I wish I had it :) The grass is always greener, and your grass is looking very green to me. I'm at home, with 3 needy kids, no money of my own and also wondering if I'm happy.
(well, I'm very grateful for my kids, I have to say.. but still.)